The Eye

“In the eye of a hurricane there is quiet

For just a moment

A yellow sky

I was twelve when my mother died

She was holding me

We were sick, and she was holding me

I couldn’t seem to die”

—From “Hurricane” from Hamilton: The Musical’

There was a moment of calm right in the middle of the storm. Everything was still horrible around me, but I had hit rock bottom. I had been dealing with a large amount of emotional distress from everything going on. My great uncle, who I just called my uncle because of how close we were, had a stroke and was not doing well. I knew what it meant based on how his health had been. In my mind, he was already dead. I found myself dissociating to a certain degree around this time (I will talk about this in a future post, maybe), feeling like the only reason I was still standing among the storm was because of pure instinct. I kept moving and going to work and going to school, and doing all the things I needed to do, just because I had to. I was alive, but I was not living. Around this time, I began to ruminate a lot on death. I wondered if I had started the process of getting better, but I was still surrounded by everything falling apart around me.

For a moment, there was a sort of calm. I got to my finals and somehow, I survived them. Despite still being extremely stressed and overwhelmed by it all, I thought I had made it through. I was wrong.

HAMMOND AND HAMILTON
Non-Stop
Legacy
Unfinished Symphony
Intermezzo
Wait for It
Hurricane
The Eye
Memento Mori (Warning: suicide)
High Storm/The Unimaginable
La Fine/Pain=Creativity