I see the Hunger

All I—, all I—, all I—,
All I have in life is my new appetite for failure
And I got hunger pain that grow insane,
Tell me, do that sound familiar?
If it do, then you’re like me…

—From Swimming Pools (Drank) by Kendrick Lamar 

I sometimes have an internal desire to stray away from talking about rap out of fear of seeming stereotypical. Yet, I can’t deny that in certain rap artists, I see myself and relate to their experience. I can’t deny that in their rhymes, I see poetry. I can’t deny that in their art, I see their Hunger.

Kendrick Lamar: Can a man be too Hungry?

I want you to know that I’m so determined to blow

That you hear the music I wrote

Hope it get you off Death Row

—From Poe Man Dreams (His Vice) by Kendrick Lamar 

Kendrick Lamar was only 24 when Section 80, his debut studio album, was released. He was Hungry. He raps about being determined to blow up and be a positive influence on his incarcerated relatives. In other songs, he raps about how desperate he and his acquaintances were to make something of themselves, working with little to no equipment, sleeping on couches, accepting charity from their slightly more well off friends, all with the vision in mind to make it big. This Hunger could’ve gone towards more negative stuff, other ways of gaining wealth and popularity, but he put his energy towards music instead. He feels an almost spiritual calling to become an influential person and make a positive impact in his community. He is “Hungry” for it. However, this calling was also somewhat self-destructive. He feels this responsibility to be a role-model for the unfortunate and the people of Compton (Kendrick’s hometown) specifically. All this responsibility led to him to extreme guilt whenever bad things happened to the people he cared about or in the world (heavily referenced in the song “U”) and he eventually realized that he was putting too much pressure on himself and he had to put himself first in some ways.

The Dark Side of Hunger

I see myself a lot in Kendrick. I sometimes think about what lengths I would go to in order to accomplish my goals. I wonder sometimes if I’m not Hungry enough. I sometimes wonder if I’m not willing to go far enough to be where I want in life—how much can I give up to become who I want to be? Can I get there through sheer willpower and determination, or is there something more to it? And how much can I harness the Hunger to not be self-destructive?

There was a time when I worked through depression through sheer willpower. I was depressed, but I decided that I wanted to make something of my life so much more than allowing the depression to overwhelm me. This worked for a while, but eventually, I got tired. I was Hungry, and that Hunger—that desire to make my life mean something, that desire to be more than just a useless boy and become a reliable man—that was what fueled me to overcome the depression. However, the depression wasn’t gone. I just worked through the depression and ran for years and years on sheer willpower, but didn’t actually address the problem. The Hunger pushed me through all the pain, but it ultimately left me strained. The pressure was too much and whenever I fell short, whenever I felt like I wasn’t reaching my potential, it felt like a personal failure. Why rest, why relax when you’re Hungry. You should be trying to feed that Hunger, right?

Hunger—determination and a strong desire—is not enough on its own. No matter how much you want something, I don’t think that you can get it through desire alone. I’m still thinking about what the other factor is. What sets Kendrick apart from every other Hungry young man who wants to make something of their life. And do I have it too? I don’t know.

We’ll see.

See ya.